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The Search for the Sitz im Leben Holding

Expounding the JPH Myth!
Dr. Imus Keptic

(The following is a copy of the transcript of the December 11th, 2004 airing of "Issues in Atheism")

MC: And now, ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to bring you yet another edition of "Issues in Atheism", with your host, the fabulous Terry Voltaire!

(Terry Voltaire enters the stage from the left, greeted by the audience's applause.)

Voltaire: Welcome everybody once again to tonight's "Issues in Atheism" talk-show. I know that you all have marked this night on your calendars as we are privileged to have a very special guest here with us tonight, none other than Dr. Imus Keptic, founder of "Apostates R Us" Freethinkers Society in Walla Walla Washington.

(Crowd roars with applause)

Voltaire: Not surprisingly, we have a record crowd here tonight. Well, I don't see any reason to prolong the suspense. Let's bring him on out here folks, and give a big round of applause to everyone's favorite atheist, Dr. Imus Keptic!

(Crowd starts to applaud, and the noise heightens to a deafening roar as Keptic enters stage left to take a seat next to Voltaire's desk. After about 20-30 seconds, the crowd finally settles down.)

Keptic: Thank you everybody, thank you. After fighting fundy agendas all week long it is good to finally be in the company of my fellow atheists!

Voltaire: Well we are certainly glad you could join us Dr. Keptic. Before we get into specific issues, I think the question on everybody's mind Doctor is 'Who exactly is Imus Keptic?' You seem so popular, but at the same time so elusive.

Keptic: That's a good question Terry. I think the best way to describe me is that I represent the very best essence of skepticism. Whenever you see a skeptic shouting soundbites, I am there. Whenever you see a skeptic boldly pronounce the work of scholars as nonsense, I am there. Whenever you see conspiracy theories being treated as more plausible explanations than straightforward readings of the text, I am there. Whenever you see an atheist lobbying to prevent schoolteachers from passing out to their students copies of the Declaration of Independence because it has the word "Creator" in it, I am there. I am the whole spirit of skepticism personified, and I may go by different names, but I'm always there lurking in the shadows!

(Crowd roars in response, and starts to chant "Kep-tic, Kep-tic, Kep-tic....")

Voltaire: So how long have you been in this business Doctor?

Keptic: I've been around since about 30 C.E., when the rumor was first started that Christ's disciples stole his body from the tomb.

Voltaire: Wow! And how long do you expect to be doing this kind of work?

Keptic: Only by extinguishing the flame of skepticism can I be put out of work. For nearly 2,000 years now I've been quite busy, and expect to be for another 2,000 years!

(Crowd once again applauds)

Voltaire: Okay Doctor. Besides writing, why don't you tell us about some of your other activities? You are still the world's leading manufacturer of our precious Darwin fish, correct?

Keptic: That's right Terry. Not only do we make the most, but we make the best!

Voltaire: Wait a minute now. How can one fish be better than another? Aren't they all the same?

Keptic: No no no, not at all! The other manufacturers have in fact been producing inferior products.

Voltaire: Oh? How so exactly?

Keptic: There are several problems. For one, they've only been putting 2 and 1/2 inches of space in between the legs. This is a slap in the face to us self-respecting atheists who would only buy Darwin fish with the standard 3 inches of space between the legs! Another thing is that other producers never do seem to get the "D" just right. It is frankly an outrage to discover what they 've been doing to our cherished symbol!

Voltaire: I hear you also have other products soon to be released. Why don't you tell us about those?

Keptic: Well, first of all, we have a new breakfast cereal soon to hit the market.

Voltaire: What's it called?

Keptic: It's called Keptic Krunch. It has pieces shaped like miniature Darwin fish, though of course equal in proportion to the real thing! They are frosted on one side and plain on the other. One serving contains substantial portions of all the essential vitamins and minerals. In fact, you'd have to eat 12 bowls of Total to equal the nutrition found in just one bowl of Keptic Krunch! It will be at your local grocery stores next month!

Voltaire: That sounds great. I'll definitely be buying that for my kids from now on.

Keptic: We also have a great new computer game called "Foiling the Fundies" ready to be released next week, just in time for the holidays.

Voltaire: You mean for Christmas?

Keptic: Ummm....Terry, I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't use the C word. Just hearing it infringes on our constitutional rights as atheists! One of my current projects is to lobby for a bill that would make it illegal for anyone to say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays". We're hoping to set a fine for anyone that's caught saying it or writing it, or even thinking it, of at least $1,000.00, as well as 30 days in jail!

Voltaire: Oh yes you're right. I'm sorry I let that slip. I must have lost my head. Tell us a little about your game.

Keptic: It's an adventure game. The player chooses from a variety of characters, and has to fight his way through different stages, fighting different bosses at the end, with each round increasing in difficulty. There are 7 stages, the object of which is to procure 7 documents that collectively prove Christianity to be false.

Voltaire: Well what kind of characters and bosses, exactly?

Keptic: I was just getting to that. Each player can choose between various members of the skeptical Dream Team as the hero, including the likes of Dan Barker, Richard Carrier, Skeptic Bud, Earl Doherty, G.A. Wells, and of course, Farrell Till. The bosses guarding the secret documents at the end of each stage are various Christian apologists.

Voltaire: Ah very interesting. Would you mind telling us which apologists you programmed into the game?

Keptic: To name a few we have Norman Geisler, William Lane Craig, J.P. Moreland, and Glenn Miller.

Voltaire: Which one is the final boss?

Keptic: The final, toughest boss is none other than the diabolical James Patrick Holding! He's especially tough because he can call to his aid different scholars, including those of the Context Group like Malina, Rohrbaugh, and Neyrey, who I must admit have been a nightmare for us skeptics lately to deal with in response to Holding. To be able to defeat Holding in the game, you have to use the Skeptic Bud character.

Voltaire: Why is that exactly?

Keptic: Skeptic Bud is well versed on the Social Science issues. He pointed out in his debate with Holding that there were definitely groups in the ancient world that wouldn't have conformed perfectly to the outlooks Holding tries to impose upon all citizens of the Roman Empire at that time, such as that execution by crucifixion was considered a very shameful form of death. This lead has recently been followed by Richard Carrier in his response to Holding on "The Impossible Faith". At any rate, it is clear that it was these non-conformists that converted to Christianity, instead of converts being based on proof that Christian claims were true. It is because of Bud's groundbreaking work that we designed the game so that only with him can the player defeat Holding in the end.

Voltaire: I don't want to get us off on too much of a tangent, but don't Bud's theories fly in the face of the work established by the Context Group? Consider one of Holding's responses to Bud in their debate:

You assert that individuals must have existed who were exceptions; that all the literary and documentary evidence must have somehow "missed" all the people that were exceptions; that every sociological model and study has somehow managed to miss these people (the Chinese are agonistic and collectivist, well, just the ones we've met anyway! -- the other kinds, we just happen to miss them!); that conveniently, these "missed" people must have been the ones who were Christianity's converts. This is YOUR burden against the metric tonnage of scholarship standing on your head.

How would you respond to that Doctor?

Keptic: It's very simple. We know that miracles are impossible, so Holding's thesis couldn't possibly be true. Since Christianity succeeded anyway, these non-conformists that Bud touts must have existed, despite the evidence. After all, here we are!

Voltaire: Oh yes that makes sense.

Keptic: I understand that Bud is actually applying to join the Context Group. I have little doubt that after they hear his assertions he will not only be granted membership, but probably be considered as the leading authority on the topic of Social Sciences and the New Testament. After all, he managed to find what all of the rest so obviously missed! It is also for this reason that only Bud can overcome the Context Group employed by Holding in the game. We try to make this as true to life as possible. Getting back to the game, I think the kids will have fun, and will learn the important truths of atheism to boot, as the secret documents can actually be read on the screen after being procured, which contain the timeless truths expressed by such former skeptical giants as Thomas Paine, Robert Ingersoll, and Friedrich Nietzsche, not to mention your own namesake Terry....Last, but not least, we have skeptical action figures.

(Keptic reaches into a bag that he had brought with him, and pulls out a 6 inch tall action figure of an elderly man with glasses dressed in a gray suit, black tie, and a red cape with a very large blue "E" on it)

Keptic: This is our Farrell Till action figure. They can talk too, each containing 6 great soundbites adapted from their respective writings.

(Keptic pulls the string on the Till figure's back, then releases it, with the following statement vocalized: "Crucified savior gods in the ancient world are a dime a dozen!" Audience chuckles)

Voltaire: Wow, that is great. What does the "E" stand for though?

Keptic: Why, errancy of course!

Voltaire: Oh yes of course. I don't know what I was thinking. We understand you've had your finger in other pies lately besides merchandise. Tell us a little about your contribution to the Jesus Seminar's newest book soon to be released.

Keptic: Ah yes, "The 147 Gospels" is sure to be a groundbreaking bestseller! My contribution to this masterpiece is an exposition on the 4th, 5th, and 6th layers of the Q document that we recently discovered.

Voltaire: We'll be looking forward to its publication, but I think we should get to the main issue that we want to discuss this evening, and that is your other new book soon to be released: "The JPH Myth". We'll have you tell us about that after our commercial break. Stay tuned!

Voltaire: Welcome back everyone to "Issues in Atheism". We have here with us special guest Dr. Imus Keptic, who is about to tell us about his new book, "The JPH Myth." Dr. Keptic, tell us first of all why you chose to write about James Patrick Holding.

Keptic: Terry, what you and I do is of crucial importance. We are trying to remove the shackles of theism from this deluded world, but we are not without our enemies. The biggest one is certainly James Patrick Holding, or JPH for short.

Voltaire: Why do you say that?

Keptic: Because he has been a total menace to our skeptical Dream Team! He has the audacity to write article after article assaulting the theses of our most cherished modern heroes, the likes of Dan Barker, Richard Carrier, Skeptic Bud, Earl Doherty, G.A. Wells, and of course, our beloved Farrell Till! If atheism had a Satan, it would indubitably be the nefarious James Patrick Holding!

Voltaire: Agreed.

Keptic: That so, we need to expose Mr. Holding, showing the masses his true form! I've already written one irrefutable article expressing why readers should not take his site seriously, but more needs to be said about the so-called man behind the site.

Voltaire: And you believe that form to be what? The title of your book seems to suggest that JPH doesn't really exist, but that of course is impossible, since you admit that he is a real problem.

Keptic: Indeed, the entity known as JPH is a monumental problem, but I do not believe that there is really a man named James Patrick Holding.

Voltaire: I'm not sure I follow. What led you to such a conclusion?

Keptic: The sheer volume of articles produced on Tekton, as well as the very quick timing of some of these articles, screams for a non-human source.

Voltaire: So what are we talking about here? Aliens or something!?

Keptic: No, although that would have been my second best guess.

Voltaire: So don't leave us in suspense. What is James Patrick Holding!?

Keptic: Based on my research, I have come to the sure conclusion that James Patrick Holding is none other than a well-designed, highly sophisticated supercomputer, probably housed and in operation from the Vatican.

Voltaire: Whoa! I have to admit that, even as a skeptic, I find that one hard to swallow!

Keptic: Yes I know it's a shocker, but if you consider all of the facts, I don't think there's really any room left for doubt. It is only natural that Christians would want a response to the onslaught brought against their religion by the skeptical Dream Team. In regards to historical and theological issues of the Bible, the Dream Team is being pummeled in every sector by Holding. When we strike back, he always has an answer, full of documentation from the pertinent sources. Furthermore, these answers are usually written within a matter of days. This kind of efficiency betrays the human origin of this Holding enigma.

Voltaire: So how exactly would this computer work?

Keptic: Somebody would have had to install all of the relevant scholarly materials into the computer's hard drive. From there, the computer could assimilate the appropriate data into coherent wholes, and voila, you have an article. For rebuttals, the computer would read the skeptic's points, then scan its database of scholarly materials and assemble the appropriate material into similar coherent wholes, and you have your response to the point, or points, in question.

Voltaire: Isn't it more likely though that there is a man that goes by JPH who has studied all of the right sources, and who takes the time to write articles defending Christianity, as is stated on the website itself? Isn't it most reasonable to accept what the site itself says?

Keptic: No I don't think so. The Vatican conspiriatorial supercomputer theory I find to be much more probable.

(Voltaire gets up from his seat, walks in front of his desk, and faces the audience)

Voltaire: Well, there you have it folks. When we come back, we are going to have a regular Tekton reader join us to debate Dr. Keptic's soon-to-be controversial theory about JPH. We'll be back after the following messages.

Voltaire: Welcome back everybody to "Issues in Atheism" where Dr. Imus Keptic has just revealed to us his shocking theory that James Patrick Holding, president of Tekton Apologetics Ministry, is actually a highly sophisticated supercomputer. We are now going to ask someone who has been reading from Tekton for several years to join us and debate Dr. Keptic on his theory. Everyone please give a warm welcome to Mr. Macon Cents from Phoenix, Arizona.

(Cents enters the stage from the left to a mixed reaction from the crowd, though mostly comprised of boos)

Voltaire: We thank you Mr. Cents for joining us this evening.

Cents: Thank you for having me Terry, and you can call me Macon. I've been looking forward to the opportunity of debunking Keptic's ridiculous theory!

(Crowd boos loudly)

Voltaire: Well Macon, as you can see with mostly an atheist crowd, Keptic seems to have the home court advantage, but let's get on with the discussion. Macon, what do you see wrong with Keptic's theory?

Cents: All kinds of things Terry. For one, there is no such thing as a supercomputer sophisticated enough to do what would be required to fit Keptic's theory. How can a computer actually read an article and rebut it, even if a large enough database was placed on the computer's hard drive?

Keptic: That's very simple. Artificial intelligence.

Cents: Can you actually prove that such high levels of artificial intelligence that would be required for such a task even exist? I've never seen such a thing.

Keptic: Can you prove that they do not exist?

Cents: The burden of proof is not on me. It is on the one making the claim!

Keptic: You see, that's the problem with fundies! They just never can see the conspiracy that is so abundantly picturesque behind the lines of reality.

Cents: What does that even mean?

Keptic: You see what kind of intelligence I have to deal with every day folks? Cents can't even comprehend my argument, much less refute it!

Cents: That's because that last statement you made was unintelligible. Please stop trying to distract the crowd with eloquent, yet non-sensical ramblings and deal with the issues!

Voltaire: Guys I don't think we're going to get too far with discussing what can and can't be proven. Do you have anything else Macon?

Cents: Of course. Holding answers hundreds of e-mails per month. In fact, I talk to him several times a week via e-mail!

Keptic: Duh! A computer that can respond to articles can certainly respond to e-mails! Let me ask you something Mr. Cents. Have you ever personally met Holding?

Cents: Well, uh, no, but....

Keptic: Well there you go then.

(Audience chuckles)

Cents: I haven't met him, but many other people have.

Keptic: Yeah like who?

Cents: Well, for one, numerous church congregations have hosted presentations given by Holding. In fact, he even offers to give presentations of various topics on his webpage!

Keptic: You know I find it very interesting that Holding only started making such offers on June 11th of this year, whereas my book was first being hyped just two weeks before that. I think that these so-called speaking engagements that Holding has allegedly been part of are subtle attempts by the Vatican to cast doubt on my thesis. The most logical explanation is that the speaking engagement ministry and the alleged trips to and fro were contrived. We can see from Cents that the fundies have already swallowed that Roman fish hook, line, and sinker! That is your answer my dear Mr. Cents. I'm sorry that the cold hand of evolutionary fate has not given you the capacity to think like we skeptics do!

(Audience applauds loudly)

Cents: I suppose next you are going to tell me that Holding's personality and sense of humor are also the result of this same hypothetical artificial intelligence? And that the reason that these components were programmed into the computer is so that readers do not catch on that he's not real?

Keptic: That's absolutely correct. Maybe there's some hope for you yet, Mr. Cents!

(Audience laughs)

Cents: Well what about the guest writers? Are they computer programs too?

Keptic: I also address that in my book. The guest writers could also easily be different computer programs, or they could be actual authors. Either way, the design once again by Rome in incorporating guest material is to keep us off the scent.

Voltaire: Allow me to jump in here for a moment. You believe that the president is a computer, but the lesser known contributors might be real authors? Are they in on the conspiracy?

Keptic: No not necessarily. You have to remember that all those writers, if they exist, are fundies just like Mr. Cents, and thus not smart enough to figure out what's going on. They might send Holding their materials, and the Vatican incorporates them onto the Tekton site.

Cents: Okay, why Florida for the setting if this is really a Roman operation? Why pick the name James Patrick Holding? Where did all that come from?

Keptic: Well they quite obviously are not going to state its true origin, Rome, for obvious reasons. Florida would be just as good a place as any, and they'd have to name it something if they were trying to successfully pass the supercomputer off as a human being. But, I should probably mention at this point that I believe it is possible that there was at one time a man named James Patrick Holding, but if such a man existed, I don't believe that he ever claimed to be an apologist. He was probably just a Sunday school teacher in Florida, or something like that. The other writers may have been real too, perhaps students in JPH's Sunday school class, but the work that has come down to us in their names probably just represents the needs of their respective communities.

Cents: Ummm....communities?

Keptic: It is highly likely that these so-called guest writers founded communities built upon JPH's Sunday school materials. As these communities grew and were in need of additional instruction and information, these various pseudonymous articles that we now find on Tekton were written, utlizing the name of each respective community's founder as the author, and the communities' needs were thus addressed in such a manner. Phantaz Sunlyk's community apparently had concerns about miracles and the Trinity; Dee Dee Warren's about eschatology; Wildcat's about Islam; Brent Hardaway's about Capitalism, and so on.

Voltaire: I'm sorry again to interrupt your fascinating unveiling of the truth behind Tekton, but I wanted to mention that Phantaz Sunlyk now goes by the name Matt Paulson, so I guess it would be Paulson communities in that case.

Keptic: Theoretically that would be the case, but in reality I don't think so. Once again I don't think it's a coincidence that this change from Sunlyk to Paulson occurred after I exposed the historical Sunlyk. When I wrote my last article, I hadn't figured everything out yet, but I did say this:

Finally, we move to the king of all skeptics. That is, of course, Farrel Till. This skeptic has been so successful in refuting Holding that Holding's whole team is falling apart at the seams! It has become clear that one of his writers, that goes by the name "Phantaz Sunlyk," is a secret Farrell Till supporter. Check out this very revealing line from one of Sunlyk's articles:

"And then, on the other hand, there are skeptics such as Ferry-Berry Go-Go Till, and the inspiration of the present essay, Bud. I make it a point to ignore such as these, for the simple reason that I know their arguments to be worthless." (From here)

The admiration for Till in Sunlyk's words ring loud and clear in this article. Notice that Sunlyk used the words "Go-Go" in his description of Till. Well, everybody knows that cheerleaders will often use these words. And when do they use this phrase? When they are cheering on their team! It is more than obvious from this that Sunlyk is a secret supporter of Till, rooting for him to defeat Holding. Corroborating this is the fact that the name "Phantaz" is very close to the word "phantom," which means "illusion." It is more than obvious that Sunlyk is using this name as a code to indicate that he is secretly part of the Till camp.

This article was published on April 20th, 2004. Shortly thereafter, on June 22nd, as can be seen from Holding's What's new? page of 2004, Phantaz Sunlyk's name was changed to that of Matt Paulson. They gave an excuse for the change, of course, but we all know the real reason for it.

Cents: But according to your theory above, Phantaz Sunlyk existed way before April 20th, and his articles were originally written to address the needs of the Paulson community. Whatever the reason for the change on Tekton, if your theory is correct, it can't be because of your article.

Voltaire: That's a good point, Doctor. How do you respond to that?

Keptic: I find it likely that the historical Phantaz Sunlyk eventually apostasized from Holding's Sunday School class and joined the Till camp. We have internal evidence of that from the aforementioned pseudonymous article written by his community. There probably is not or never was a Matt Paulson. After the Vatican realized my irrefutable discovery regarding Sunlyk, which they were unable to figure out themselves beforehand, they tried to obscure the fact by inventing the name Matt Paulson and affixing it to the articles derived from Sunlyk's community, rather than using the original name of Phantaz Sunlyk.

Cents: If all of these guest articles were written before the establishment of Tekton, how do you figure that new articles from these writers keep popping up on the site? All of those writers you mentioned have penned articles within the last few months.

Keptic: Mr. Cents, you, like most fundies, think way too one-dimensionally! It is obvious that the Vatican only publishes the works of these communities piecemeal. There are probably many other articles that were written by these communities in store that the Vatican has yet to publish on Tekton. It would have looked way too suspicious if they had published all of these articles at once. You have to use your brain man!

Cents: Let's get off this tangent and back to the main debate about Holding. How do you explain the debates that Holding has been part of outside of Tekton?

Keptic: The matter of Holding's debates is another factor in favor of my theory, Mr. Cents. Do you see Holding debating on web forums? No! Do you see him involved in live debates? No! In fact, Farrell Till challenged Holding to a live debate some time ago, and here was Holding's response:

I don't do live debates -- with anyone. I will not debate atheists, Unitarians, open theists, or whoever, any other way but in print, where it is possible to take time to find answers to questions and where the details of an issue can be discussed in a comprehensive fashion. I consider oral debates a waste of time, as they tend to produce nothing but sound bites. Oral debates tend to be victims of what I call "60 Minutes Syndrome" -- they are efforts to cover an in-depth topic in just a few minutes or hours, with no real means to treat subjects with the in-depth scrutiny they deserve.

Notice that Holding, despite engaging in hundreds of written debates, refuses to do live debates, and why is that? The Vatican's contrived excuses listed above notwithstanding, it is because there is no apologist named James Patrick Holding!

Cents: You actually left out an important point that follows your quotation of Holding.

(Cents reaches into his briefcase and pulls out a manilla file folder, opens it and grabs a copy of the article in question)

Cents: Here is what Holding wrote immediately after what Keptic's quoted:

I found this out first-hand two or so years ago when I joined Mormon apologist Richard Hopkins on his radio program. We spent about an hour with plans to discuss three different issues; we ended up covering one issue only about a third of the way. I do not begrudge this against Hopkins, but as far as I am concerned, this is hardly satisfactory.

So, not only does Holding give ample justification for his refusal to do live debates, but we see that Keptic's argument is disproven by the fact that Holding did in fact engage in a live debate against Richard Hopkins! This proves he exists!

Keptic: Not so fast Mr. Cents! This was a radio program, so nobody actually witnessed the debate. Sure, there was a voice purported to be that of JPH's that many heard, but this could have been anybody simply reading the supercomputer's print-out of the rebuttal to Hopkins' points. Or, it may have been the computer itself talking. We can't say for sure.

Voltaire: That's an excellent point Doctor.

Cents: Let's backtrack a little bit though. You said that JPH doesn't debate on web forums. You are wrong about that. He is a very active member of Theology Web.

Keptic: But nowhere else, right?

Cents: Well not that I know of, but one forum is enough to prove his activities outside of Tekton.

Keptic: Tell me Mr. Cents. Who is credited with ownership and operator of Theology Web?

Cents: Ummm....Dee Dee Warren.

Keptic: You want to repeat that Mr. Cents? I don't think our audience heard you!

Cents: Dee Dee Warren.

Keptic: There you have it folks. The best proof Mr. Cents can come up with for JPH's existence is his participation on a web forum founded by a member of the Dee Dee Warren community! The connection here is too obviously within the Holding inner circle to accept this as an independent piece of evidence for JPH's existence.

Voltaire: Well Macon, do you have anything else to offer us in defense of James Patrick Holding's existence?

Cents: Not that I can think of, but I think my explanation is much simpler than Keptic's elaborate theories. Not only are we expected to believe that the Vatican has built a highly complex supercomputer, the technology for which would be required we don't even know exists, that they vested this computer's articles with a certain personality and sense of humor, and numerous other things they've gone to great lengths to incorporate in order to make us think that this computer is an apologist that resides in Florida, and that the guest articles on his site are the products of various communities founded by students of the real JPH's Sunday school class! I don't know how anyone could think that that's a better explanation than that Holding is a real apologist who lives in Florida, and has studied really hard and devotes substantial amounts of time into defending the Christian faith!

Voltaire: Why don't we let the crowd decide? What do you think folks? Who won this debate tonight?

(The Crowd immediately starts chanting "Kep-tic, Kep-tic, Kep-tic....")

Voltaire: Well it seems to be unanimous. Keptic is the winner!

(The crowd roars in jubilation and excitement, and once again chants "Kep-tic, Kep-tic, Kep-tic....")

Voltaire: I'm sorry Macon, but if it's any consolation, know that you went up against the best tonight.

Cents: I appreciate your having me on the show Terry, but I must say I'm not really shocked at the crowd's reaction. After seeing some of the ridiculous theories used by skeptics over the centuries to explain the rise of Christianity, the acceptance of Keptic's ludicrous ideas aren't really that comparatively farfetched!

Voltaire: With all due respect to Macon Cents, I must concur with the consensus that Keptic's theory is thoroughly convincing! We want to thank both of our guests for coming out today. We also want to remind the audience to make sure and reserve your copy of Keptic's new book, "The JPH Myth", which will be hitting the shelves around Christmas time....oops, I meant to say around the holiday season! I'm sorry about that Doctor.

Keptic: No offense taken Terry. Just watch it in the future or there may be a fine and some jail time involved. In closing, I'd personally like to thank the audience for your support, and encourage you all to give the fundies out there in fundyland as hard a time as you know how. To get you all started, my fellow freethinkers from "Apostates R Us" will be passing out at all the exits Darwin fish and humorous atheistic bumperstickers to all of you, free of charge!

(Crowd roars in jubilation)

Voltaire: Wow, thank you so much Dr. Keptic! I'm sure I speak for all the atheists out there in the audience and those viewing at home in saying that we will all strive to be more Keptic-like in our dealings with theists in the future.

(Voltaire gets up from his desk and walks toward the audience)

Voltaire: Well that's our show for tonight folks. Be sure to join us next week when we will be joined by Robert Price. I'm Terry Voltaire. So long everybody.

(Audience applauds)

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