I have grown up in a home with a Jewish atheist father (his family is from Poland, and they all spoke Yiddish), and with a Liberal demi-Lutheran mother. My brother used to believe in God, but after a short time became an atheist. I grew up in an atmosphere full of fighting - constant bickering. My mom and dad had been contemplating seperation since before I was born, and this showed in how they treated my brother and I. Out of stress, my brother would ritually beat me for even being slightly annoying. And my fall was that I was an arguer - which everyone still agrees I get from my dad, who is a lawyer. I had always reasoned in fights (which isn't to say I was calm - I still fought with even the slightest chance of me winning out of anger and frustration), which really infuriated people. God was something far from the family. I remember going to church during my really young years and asking my pastor 'hard' questions such as, "How long does it take to get to Heaven?" I never learned of salvation by the cross. I only knew there was a God, and people go to Heaven.

After being in therapy for years (without progress), my mom, after finally separating with my dad, moved upstate with my brother and I. Another depressing year occured - but my brother had gone with some friends to Youth Group. One summer night, he insisted I go, and my mom even called the pastor to make me go so I wouldn't disappoint him. So I went. I had a good time - and kept going, until one night I accepted Christ, the same night as my brother. From there, I regularly attended, and understood salvation, and prayed to God in many things. My brother, however, eventually left, and since then has no care for it.

After two years of believing, I was still a little depressed, but Jesus was helping me along, even though I deliberately ignored the Bible and never picked it up. However, two years ago, January (age 13), (DON'T LAUGH, because I shall slap you all silly!) I fell in love with some girl. But over the internet. I had talked to her during those two years, and we had so much in common and such that I found I loved her. I shifted from God to her, and eventually that summer we spent over a month together in person, one week here and three weeks where she was. After meeting her, I was even more astounded, and I wrote to her all the time. It was practically a ritual for me to imagine us together again, and to write her ridiculously long letters to her every day. But then there was a month of silence where she never talked to me. And after that month, on the day she came back, she dumped me. My world was utterly destroyed, and I was so depressed that I no longer viewed the world as real, but I was waiting to wake up. I looked at practically every girl around me to fill in the hole in my heart, but in vain. It was a God sized hole. After five months of crying myself to sleep, I picked up my Bible one night. I remember thinking, "If this doesn't work, I will never recover." I opened to Genesis - immediately turned off. But for some reason I kept trying, and I turned to Matthew. I read half the book that night, and I was so amazed that I began devoting myself to Jesus. I stopped cursing right away, started respecting my parents, was able to control my anger, and even showed love to people who wouldn't show it back. Even more than that - I was happy. I knew that night I read Matthew that my life would never again be the same - being desperate for love, I finally found it, and pursued it with my whole heart. Without Jesus, I don't know if I would be alive today... and I don't know who I would have harmed without Him. It is literally impossible for me to deny Christ because of this: he is the only thing which offered help who actually did it.

I suppose a skeptic would agree with me, in that Jesus being the only fulfillment in my life is obviously a creation of my heart in order to feel better. Of course my heart is brilliant enough to simulate a relationship without it having negative effects in long run. And of course a skeptic would agree with me in that my transformation from frustrated, depressed, and rageful to joyful, happy, and repaired means nothing, since they obviously know from personal experience you can make anything happen by trying to convince your heart and mind enough.

Without God, we are like empty cups. Everytime stress comes, we are cracked, and will never be the same again, but must adjust to our new state. But when God comes, he recycles that cup and makes it new again, making it worthy to be used to drink from, and he personally makes sure it will never be harmed again.

To ask myself what Jesus means to me is to invoke a textbook response. Having said that, there aren't too many ways of saying that Jesus is Lord, God and my Saviour.

The concept of saviour is rather difficult to get around during childhood. I'm now twenty-two and it's significance is only glaring after pondering the effects of sin. That isn't an easy task at times as we naturally tend to think about the effects of sin using our fallen world as our benchmark. In overcoming this, I found the following comment by Pascal inspirational:

"The greatness of man is so evident that it is even proved by his wretchedness. For what in animals is called nature we call wretchedness in man; by which we recognize that, his nature now being like that of animals, he has fallen from a better nature which once was his. For who is unhappy at not being a king except a deposed king? Who is unhappy at having only one mouth? And who is not unhappy at having only one eye? Probably no one ever ventured to mourn at not having three eyes; but anyone would be inconsolable at having none"

My search for the truth was catalysed when I started going out with a Muslim girl. Her claims caught me off guard and I was forced to investigate them. I found them extremely wanting but, in the process, my conviction that the Bible is the Word of God, that the gospels accurately record the life of Jesus and that the textual integrity of the Bible is unquestionable increased exponentially. It was truly a case of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

That God is with us AND for us is clearly seen in Jesus. His death for my (everyone's) sins is a demonstration of love so amazing and so divine that it demands my life, my soul, my all.

- Andrew

Jesus has been to me a light to focus on and a steady rock to rely on in today's dark, unfaithful, and ever-shifting world. He is ever-humbling yet always showing me how to grow closer to Him. He reminds me that He can and will defeat every problem in my life, that I should always thank Him, and that He is awesome, joyful, and warm. Jesus is a ticket for a free ride away from everything that bothers me about society, including bother itself. Jesus has been a friend, a father, a guide, a gift-giver, a matchmaker, a mender, and the source of every good thing on Earth.

Jesus is life.

- KJF

Usually when somebody discovers that I am a Christian, they think of me in terms of a "straw man" that they perceive about Christianity. The term "Jesus freak" connotes fanaticism, anti- intellectualism, emotionalism -- when in fact the Gospel of Jesus Christ is grounded on solid evidence and reasoning. Put simply, if Jesus wasn’t real, I wouldn’t be alive today. As to why I believe, allow me to explain.

Yes, it's true I grew up in a church. I had loving parents who made sure I went to Sunday school, where I learned about the Bible. I read about Noah's Ark and Moses and Samson and David and the prophets. I learned the Gospel story. As a kid I accepted all that, and why not? My parents wouldn't mislead me. I trusted them, and I trusted what they believed in. But did I trust God? Were we really friends on a one-to-one basis? Did I have a personal relationship with Jesus?

I thought I did. I was baptized when I was nine years old, in December 1967. Letting the pastor dunk me in the water wasn't any big deal. Getting wet was just a symbolic gesture. It let everybody know that I was "saved." I didn't mind. It made people happy to see me do it, and it made me happy, too.

My problems didn't go away, though. I wasn't getting along well with some of the kids at school. Lots of arguments, lots of fights. The teachers often backed the other side, even though I wasn't the one who "started it." Why was God letting me go through this torture? Pile on top of that: the worries of learning to speak Spanish, struggling through science and math courses and trying to maintain decent grades. It was horrible.

Why wasn't I doing well in life? Was I doing something wrong? I couldn't figure it out.

Maybe the problem was I wasn't devoted to God. I went to a Bible camp. Nearly every evening they gave invitations for people to dedicate their lives to Jesus. I watched kids go to the front of the platform in front of everybody. Some were crying, and I thought, well, maybe I need to be emotional about it. So I went to the front and -- this is embarrassing to admit, folks -- I pretended to be upset and sobbed like some of the other kids. One boy sitting at the end of the row gave me the strangest look. He knew. He knew I wasn't sincere. Oh, boy. Bobby Miller, the hypocrite. Well, I had thought that crying would get me closer to God. The problem was the other kids may have been sincere -- but I was not. I was sincere in that I wanted to know God, so I decided to (re-)dedicate my life to Him. Be a good boy and do my best to please God. And that was a tall order. How does one impress the One who created the universe?

I behaved as best as I could, thought I was "getting along" well with the Lord, but I still had problems. I prayed and prayed and prayed about it, and didn't get an answer -- until --

March 1974. By that time we had gotten a new pastor, Paige Patterson, who took a personal interest in counseling me. I had been singing in the choir for awhile, and when we heard there was a James Robison crusade coming to Fayetteville, we were going to take part in it. It would be fun singing for an audience of about 3,000 to 5,000 people.

On the last night of the crusade I called my best friend and invited him to come. He wasn't a Christian and I thought that maybe, just maybe, he would be touched by the message and he would give his life to the Lord. He declined. Okay, well, no hard feelings. That was his choice, though it made me sad about it. So I went on to Barnhill Fieldhouse and sang in the choir as usual.

The theme of the message that night was, Do you really know if you're going to heaven? Whoa. That struck me cold. I honestly didn't know if I was going to heaven. I mean, I went to church and sang in the choir and read the Bible and I was a pretty nice guy -- but was that a guarantee that I would "make it"? More to the point, did I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? As Robison read from the Scriptures, I became convicted that it was the one-to-one relationship that came first, that I had to allow Jesus to have total control over my life. It wasn't just a "ticket to heaven." It was to be a lasting relationship with God in every aspect of my life.

That scared me. I didn't know whether I had given my life to Jesus. And as Robison talked about it, my stomach felt like I had eaten a batch of cold oatmeal. I felt all sick inside. I didn't know what to do. Here I was in the choir, in front of over 3,000 people, and it would be embarrassing to go to the front during the invitation. "What's that boy doing in the choir if he isn't a Christian," you know?

So I waited until after the invitation was over and we sang our final song. I walked down to the stage to see Dr. Patterson (who had coordinated the crusade with Robison). People were milling about, and one fellow noticed I was agitated and he came over to see me. "Are you all right? You look like something's wrong. Do you know Jesus?"

You know what? I couldn't honestly say "yes" to the question. I wasn't sure.

Bless his heart. I knew he was trying to help. But I didn't want to talk it over with him. I wanted to talk to Dr. Patterson, because he and I were friends -- he knew me and what I was going through. I thanked the fellow and tried to assure him everything was fine, and I searched through the crowd for Dr. Patterson. He followed me and again I waved him off. I didn't want to be rude and say "go away" to him, but finally I located Dr. Patterson, who assured the friend that I'd be all right.

All right? I was shaking all over, my eyes were watering and my nose was running, in spite of myself. It's not macho to cry (but at least I was sincere this time). Dr. Patterson talked to me and laid it on the line, that I would have to repent of all the bad things I had done, accept Jesus as Lord and Savior and let him take complete control of my life. Oh yes, I had already known all these things. I had spent my whole life in church. But while I accepted it in my head, I suppose, it was at that point that I accepted it in my heart. And I asked forgiveness and surrendered my life to Jesus, and in those moments I began to feel an enormous "cleansing", as if all that cold oatmeal was being flushed out of my system, and replaced by a warm euphoric glow like you wouldn't believe. Was it the Holy Spirit? It had to be. I could never have felt so wonderful on my own.

Dad drove me home, unsure what was happening with me. But I knew Jesus had saved me from my sinful nature, I knew I would eventually go to heaven, and what's more, I knew I had an abiding relationship with Him. The euphoria I felt at the auditorium stayed with me all the way home, and then --

We discovered the trees in our yard had been covered with toilet paper. It turned out the friend I had invited to the crusade -- along with some other fellows -- knew that we would be away so they came by the house and left their calling cards on our trees. But you know, they had done me a great favor. My reaction to the mess was one of surprise, but it did not diminish the euphoria I was feeling. Under any other circumstances I would have been let down, but not then. The euphoric feeling stayed with me as I cleaned up the yard. Actually, it was more of a presence than a feeling, which I hoped would never go away. It meant that God was truly with me. You think it's fun cleaning up toilet paper from trees? It's not, yet the rapport I had with God was so strong the act of "vandalism" paled into insignificance.

On Sunday morning I went to the front of the church to make the "public confession of faith." Yes, before hundreds of people. Embarrassing? No, not this time. I was glad to let people know I had given my life to the Lord. This confused some of the church-goers, who thought I already was a Christian. Anyway, the Sunday after that I got baptized again, this time by Dr. Patterson, and this time with a fuller understanding of what it was all about.

my problems didn't go away after that. Neither did I become "perfect." But I tell you, I had a stronger relationship with the Lord.

Whenever I behave like a "bad boy" -- if I do something wrong to somebody or else do things my own way instead of God's way -- circumstances happen that ultimately prompt me to ask God's forgiveness and reconcile with him. He helps me realize that there is purpose to life, that he wants me to live life to the fullest and to help others that are less fortunate.

I still have problems, but at least I can go to God for comfort, and he helps me to endure the bad times. Is it faith that comforts me? No. Just as I have faith that an oven bakes cookies, it's not the faith that bakes the cookies. Likewise it's not the faith that gives me comfort. It's God. If it was up to me I would have given up a long time ago.

I have worked in the entertainment industry for over 12 years. It's a brutal profession, egocentric, highly competitive, and not much job stability. I work on a project-to-project basis. Once the project is over, I have to find work elsewhere. I have to rely on my skills and my friends to land the next job -- depending on whatever project is open to hiring. A lot depends upon timing -- a factor that I have no control over. I depend upon God to provide the comfort to survive, and to make the circumstances happen that enable me to survive. I praise Him for that.

Jesus said, in Matthew 10:29-31 (New King James), "Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."

The Apostle Peter, in 1 Peter 5:6-7: "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon him, for He cares for you."

Know God's love and care for me makes a big difference in my life.

Jesus said, in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

This is my testimony. From my experience I want to offer the hope and comfort I have in Jesus Christ to you, as I would for all my friends.

- Bob Miller

To get the record straight, I was born September 24th, 1984. Although I was baptized a Roman Catholic at my grandmother's request I was raised in a household where God was something rarely, if ever talked about. Prayers were something you didn't do and Church attendance was virtually zero. In fact, before becoming a Christian, I probably went to church less than 5 times my entire 18 years. I was raised in a secular atmosphere where God was merely something religious people used in a feeble attempt to exploit others, or so I was told anyways. I never remembered being theistic in thought, even as a child nor did I ever really bother to entertain such a notion. At an early age I developed and still maintain an interest in science and philosophy among other things. These two monoliths of free thought, science and philosophy, would become the soil that would allow the seeds of my atheism to originally sprout. At 8 years old my IQ was already 120, the same as an average adults and I was skipped ahead one grade. This kind of intelligence along with my secular education would be the water which fed the seed.

I progressed in school and the secular standards they imposed taught me such ideas like evolution and very loose amoralism, which can leave anybody in an emotional and spiritual vacuum. I bought into it and quite well. To me science was God. Science has an amazing record of inventions, problem solving, and the overall improvement in the condition of man. How did science fuel my growing atheism? One word, EVOLUTION! Darwin's idea was compelling to say the least and the ways in which it was presented to me made it very logical to accept as "scientific fact". I carried this attitude through high school touting that science and philosophy should replace the Hebrew God of people's imaginations. To me Christianity and all religions were basically enslaving man in chains. I was the kind of person who laughed at morality, worshipped science as my God, and would tear to shreds any theist who had the nerve to test my patience.

Much of the science you see on television and in the media is totally secular and I was in full support of it. Such things would cause my rational thinking to lead me to become anti-Christian not merely a tolerant atheist. I had a pet peeve of going around trying to find theists, especially Christians, to taunt their beliefs, figuratively shaking them and screaming, "wake up for there is no God". I figured with absolute certainty God was non-existent. I studied works by modern scientists and thinkers like Dawkins, Marx and ancient philosophies like Buddhism, Sikhism, etc. only to laugh the religious ones off as more ridiculous then the notion of the Christian God itself. I enjoyed studying religions in particular not because I simply harbored some sort of interest in the leather bound texts of old but I took great pleasure and taking what I learned and using it AGAINST Christians. I would love to find contradictions in the supposedly "Holy Scriptures" and use it ad nasaeum against any Christian willing to challenge me, a person who considered themselves to be an intellectual cream of the crop. One who thinks free from religious nonsense and the God's of the ancients who I reasoned quite well were utterly impossible to exist. I loved to surf the Web and visit the various "infidels" that were out there. I also began to make friends with them as well. At school my circle included atheists, Satanists, agnostics, and very loose theists.

Although I considered myself very intellectual, and my grades showed it I still felt odd both to myself, and others. For one thing, I became Gothic when I was 14 and everybody knew who I was. All you had to do was look for the tall kid in the trench coat with strangely dyed hair and shallow eyes, pale skin and who wears plain black all of the time. I looked like Eric Harris and my style reflected what I felt. I didn't feel right on the inside and I realized the REAL reason why I was searching was because of a longing, a longing BEYOND myself but as an ardent atheist I simply would not permit myself to accept anything beyond myself. Being a Goth gave me something to hold onto at that time and provided a subculture of similar people who are involved with this lifestyle. Of course it gave me a temporary sense of security although blood drinking and other more extreme aspects of the Gothic subculture were not really appealing to me in the sense that I wanted to be immersed in it. Besides these things going on I had found that my reasoning was increasingly hostile. I reasoned that "Hey, if there is an Afterlife at least I won't have to deal with the brutal Christian God." And "I hope there are no Fundies (Fundamentalists) there". My joking with myself, and others was an attempt to soften to blow that atheism was taking on me. Atheism is a very hollow view like one who looks down a pipe and can only see part of the picture. Still, atheism seemed "scientific" and "logical" and even though I was defeated more than enough times by more experienced theists when it came to debate that did not mean I was about to reconcile my beliefs anytime soon! This kind of stubborn thinking was not necessarily a byproduct of my animosity towards Christian but rather the result of a deeper intellectual struggle.

I read the Bible dozens of times as an atheist, and like many atheist thinkers I knew it inside out. I knew many of the so-called "contradictions" and knew the Biblical topics so well I could make most advanced Christians go green with envy but this didn't resolve my conflict. Although I has undergone years of secular brainwashing I began to look at nature. Nature is an incredible machine, unimaginable in complexity, and yet as a "rational thinker" I believed this, the soul, and everything else emerged by chance. We were merely evolved animals with a soul and a conscious and even though even as an atheist I believed somewhat in the "secular Afterlife" that didn't mean I was on par with any other Christian doctrines. I started to question myself. I questioned whether my beliefs were based more on personal bias rather than the scientific "facts" I leaned on so much. I was honest with myself and I came to the almost painful admittance that many of my long held beliefs and presuppositions, which fueled my atheism, were indeed based on misinformation and a poor personal bias against Christians.

Still, the Christian has up to this point made me exceedingly angry. I wanted to slap them around and force them to get out of their so-called "delusions". I wanted to wake them up to science and rational thought. The word "preacher" and "Jesus" brought up a mental picture of a bunch of superstitious Puritans huddled in prayer in some church. I would not have such beliefs forced down my throat but now I was forced to realize that my beliefs were just as much based on faith as Christianity was.

With this realization, I began to read works from the other side of the theological fence. Even though I remained skeptical about God's existence I was shocked to see just how rational some Christians can be. The author C.S. Lewis is a good example of rational Christian thinking. His works including "Mere Christianity" gave me a better insight into my own overused atheist arguments and the argument for Christ. I took the time as well to read refutations to alleged contradictions as well as plenty of apologetics. My long-held belief that Christians were losers was being washed away. I knew from past experience that Christians were not the jackasses I had made them out to be, they have beaten me in debate, but the arguments I read were fresh and realistic relying on free thought and rationalism, which put a smile on my face. They were not simply arguments based on the "Bible says" game that many laypeople use but rational arguments, which challenged everything I held as the only truths.

I began to think and put the pieces of the puzzle together. Many of the long held beliefs on evolution I held were well debunked by the books I read and many of own beliefs had been challenged to the point where I wondered how long my skepticism could hold up but my disbelief in God was being held up by ignorance at this point. As an atheist I never seemed to use extra-Biblical sources when countering Christians primarily because the Bible was supposedly "God's Word". What better way to destroy Christianity than to use only their book. It was only really when I read many, MANY pages of rational theistic thinking that my mind started to change. That didn't mean I wasn't still hostile towards Christians. Even a person like myself who considered themselves to be extremely intellectual, was more than happy to use every four- letter word in existence against Christians. Anger was still a driving force for my thoughts.

I was now 17, in my Junior Year, and although it took me over a year of deep intellectual thought and soul searching I slipped into agnosticism but my search for spirituality had not ended. I began the dangerous practice of dabbling with the occult. It seemed as if I had become so desperate to find something to believe in, something to hold on to in a watered down world that I was willing to sacrifice part of my intellect on the altar of fear only to replace it with yet another piece of what I had thought of as quackery, the practice of the occult. Being a Goth (for the record I still am one) I had always found the occult interesting but being an atheist my beliefs had kept me strictly from that kind of practice. Since being a Goth gave me even less reason in life at the time, and now being an agnostic, I figured, "what have I got to lose". Only now do I realize I could have lost my soul.

I studied Wicca and LaVeyan Satanism and the companion philosophies, which it had entailed. I still am not sure why I plunged so headlong into the occult but it was a transition to eventually meet God. I practiced and read the occult and yet it felt intellectually out of place , yet for some reason I felt even smarter than before and more powerful in a strange sense that I still cannot understand like I had some kind of spiritual control without the confines of organized religion. I used my Gothic façade to intimidate any Christians who would try to give me their evangelistic speeches as well as attract those who were similar to me in practice. What followed was a crash and burn type of experience. My interest in the occult waned and the questions still nagged. If my atheist intellect, alternative lifestyle, and practicing the occult offered me nothing, what can? Truly, there must be no meaning to life! As an agnostic (yet remaining an atheist) the search for a God and any possible existence became more important as time went on.

I questioned about how can Christians be so steadfast on a mere ancient book and then I realized, "how can I be so sure of anything I have so far believed". I reviewed over the weeks my beliefs, atheism, agnosticism, the occult and then I went back to the Bible and the man Jesus Christ. For years I believed Christ was about religion and worthless morality who was a madman trying to delude the masses but when I read the book from a new perspective I noticed He was so different from the other great thinkers I had studied. Did Aristotle claim to be God? Did Zoroaster offer eternal life? Did Buddha offer salvation without works? The answer was a clear and concise "no" and I realized this Jesus character related to what I am searching for. I had to let go of the idea that Christians were hate mongers and were out to get me and realize I had been what I had despised all along. The realization was clear. The apologetics and arguments were right. God was becoming real to me little by little.

At this point I approached the people I knew and began to argue from a gradually more open-minded type of view on God only to receive strange looks and criticism. I was questioned by friends about my new views but I can only say that the pieces of the theological puzzle, on the historical, intellectual, and rational levels were all coming together in a complex manner that I did not yet fully understand. I had finally realized I did not have to kill my intellect to accept God, I just had to reach out and take my salvation. I did not have to be a pseudo-religious maniac, I could be Goth if I wished, I could have a brain to use, I did not have to listen to boring secular (or theistic) scholars all of the time. I realized I could remain scientific and philosophical while maintaining my individual lifestyle and all I had to do was accept Christ. It was scary for awhile because I was not sure where this new road was taking me but it certainly wasn't atheism!

I came to a crossroads: I can either accept Christ and the Bible for what it is or I can go back to the days of blissful atheist ignorance. I wasn't about to make the same mistakes again! God was certainly my witness and I felt compelled one night alone in my room to pray and accept Christ. I stopped and prayed and asked Jesus to come into my life. I felt strangely happy, strangely renewed like some kind of wonderful narcotic was in my system and I knew my search was over. The Lord was speaking to me and I realized how one-sided and irrational I had REALLY been to delude myself into believing atheism was the only rational choice.

I am still a Goth and will remain so. Jesus reflects a person who represents Goths on a different level. He suffered and led a long, painful death on a cross, only to give us eternal life through His shed blood-it sounds like something out of an Anne Rice novel but Jesus is a man I can relate to! His story is one of the most amazing one can hear about and I was particularly impressed on how he countered the critics of his day. A man who was willing to die for whom He said He was and was willing to sacrifice His life for everyone else. I am a Christian now, a rationalist, a young-Earth Creationist, and a critic of the secular thinkers that I had once adored and admired so much! Praise God for the turn around! It doesn't take much of a brain to realize who Christ was, God Himself, He still seeks souls and He doesn't seek religion but a relationship. Christ gave me something atheism certainly never could-something to live for! I let my former atheist being crumble into dust only to be renewed by the Holy Spirit. I hope this testimony speaks for the Glory of God for He is real and not a figment of man's imagination. We are not evolved animals, all is created and all are free to choose either God or mammon. I just hope more atheists could simply step out of the woodwork and in-the-box thinking and realize how wrong they really are! Ignorance is more powerful than common sense though and it is becoming more and more difficult to minister to atheists. I learned something else very powerful from the teachings of Plato, which still makes me ponder-

In closing, rejecting Jesus means rejecting salvation, blessings, and many other good things as well. Jesus did not come to preach religion but to preach salvation and to offer it to those willing to take it! Why should one deny such an offer as mere lunacy when they fail to pull the log out of their own eye first and see the fallacies of their secular arguments? Atheism is not a philosophy built on sound facts and logic but merely out of a personal hate or at least a dislike towards the Creator of all things good! Be wary about those who deceive only to fail they are deceived themselves for as the Bible says, "wisdom to man is foolishness in the eyes of God." We as Christians whether, you are dark and morose as I or a pastor or teacher or a student, etc., need to reach atheists on their own ground. Do not be intimidated by an atheist's argument, no matter how thorough and concise it may be. Remember that God is the ultimate wisdom beyond even the greatest of human thinkers so pray and use your logic and inform yourself to the issues at hand and you will be successful in reaching atheists! Just remember that atheists are humans too and do not shun any for their beliefs, debate rationally with them and DO NOT use "Bible says" games. This turns them off to debate. Use philosophy and genuine interest and one can forge strong links with any atheist, skeptic, "infidel", or non-believer. God is real and I am shamed that I hadn't realized this fact for most of my life but God willing I'll have plenty of decades left to serve Him. Forget all of the politics, self-help gurus, and secular downers and follow God. You do not have to give up your mind to some guy in a robe. To hell with those kinds of people, let God do the guiding and you will grow wise like Soloman and gain a deeper appreciation of life. I hope my testimony helps others who are struggling with maybe a belief struggle or are simply searching for answers to the more important questions in life.

"Anyone who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the Last Day." -John 6:54

I remain,

-C. Bohar

Some random crap about me for anybody who cares to know...

Faith- Christian, non-denominational

Lifestyle- Gothic, but I am not the kind that wallows in depression. Christ has Conquered depression along with death! Being Gothic is cool but people ask "Hey, do you worship Satan". No, just Jesus Christ. I get strange looks but I like to stand out among others. Being normal is very conformist and those that know me know I am not a person who conforms so being a Goth is my way of being a non- conformist while maintaining my identity in Christ. For the stuck-up Fundamentalists who think that my lifestyle isn't Christian: remember that Jesus was a non-conformist and that is what killed him in the end! I have been Gothic for around four years now but that doesn't mean I isolate myself or am introverted. I am actually rather humorous and outgoing and am tolerant so as long as people are tolerant to me. You wouldn't know I'm a Christian at first glance but who are they to judge?

Favorite Literature- Nichomachean Ethics by Aristotle (350 B.C.?), The Holy Bible

Favorite Movie-Interview with the Vampire, 1994

Favorite Music- For those who know me well I listen to everything from classical to heavy metal although my favorite groups include Rammstein, KMFDM, Savior Machine, among others.

Television- My favorite show has to be Hawaii Five-O. Before you send me death threats it is the only decent thing on after school!

Favorite Artist (Painter)-Boticelli

Favorite Painting-Betrothal of the Arnolfini painted by Jan Van Eyck, 1434 The guy in the portrait looks A LOT like Marilyn Manson if you ask me! Check out the cool mirror effect, too!

An image of it is at http://pavlov.psyc.queensu.ca/~psyc382/veyckarnlg.html

Ethnicity- Russian and German

Languages- English (duh) and some German

Interests include Science and philosophy, theology, photography, nature, evolution vs. creation, cars, working on cars, art both contemporary and from times past, debate, the paranormal, the unknown, poetry, all that is dark and morose, but most of all, a relationship with God.

My car- A 2002 Pontiac Sunfire. White, 4,800 miles, needs an oil change but other than that I love it. I wanted to paint it black but unless you wish to donate $1,800 that will have to wait!/P>

Quotes-

"The conceited man is far too proud to ask for help" -Buddha

"Even the strongest armies of archers and footmen can never tear down the tower of one's faith." -Hindu Vedas, Volume 1

"2+2 doesn't always equal 4" -A quote from a correspondence with an atheist

"If one screams loud enough, long enough, and to enough people you can make one believe anything." -Adolf Hitler

"The price of stamps will climb ever higher." -Homer Simpson

Questions? Comments? Whatever? E-mail ghosthunter1984@yahoo.com

A HREF="akbar1.doc">Peter Akbar (Word document)

I was just reading through some of the testimonies you have posted on your site, and figured 'Why not send mine?'

I guess I'll start with my upbringing, I wasn't raised in a particularly religious household; my parents didn't 'preach' athiesm(for lack of a better term) to me the way alot of athiests out there like to(including most of the ones who write to you apparently), but they simply never approached the subject of religion(with me anyway). Thus I grew up only vaugely aware that Christianity even existed, at least as something that regular people actually practiced. I did know a little about the Bible, but only from the benefits of living in a predominently Christian society. Really I think even I knew my own knowldge was defecient.

The turning point for me was when I was 15(I'm 19 now just so you know), I met this girl. I fell for her not only because she was really hot(although she was), but also because there was a genuine kindness, gentelness, and honesty about her that I hadn't ever seen in anybody else I'd ever met. I later learned that she attributed most of these qualities to her faith in God, a faith which she began to teach me about daily.

As I began to learn about the Christian faith, the more it made sense to me. I dont really know for sure why, but it was at this point in time that I became obsessed with religions in general. Within 2 years I read the holy books of most of the worlds major religions, as well as numerous commentaries and general books on various religoins. I eventually came to the conclusion that Christianity, far from being 'irrational' actually made sense out of the world in a way nothing else had ever done for me before.

Despite that, I purposefully held off accepting Christ as my personal savior for a while. Why? I'm still not entirely sure, part of it was concern for what my family would say(they were shocked enough to discover I was learning about religions). Part of it was doubt over whether I could actually follow all of God's commandmants(yes I know the point of Jesus's sacrafice was so we wouldnt need to be perfect, but at the time I thought, and actually I still do think, that it is foolish to accept Christ without at least making a sincere effort). It was finally at a concert by the Christian band Kutless( I'd gone with the same girl I mentioned above) that I honestly cried out to God to forgive me. Since then I have become a much better person than I was. Although I can still be rude or sarcastic, I no longer go out of the way to offend people. I'm also much more honest(some might say brutally so). Also my dad and sister have both become Christians, largely because of my influence.

I really am truely thinkfull for everything God has given me, especially my talents and inteligence. I still remain obsessed with religions. Although now my interest has moved mostly towards uncovering the holes, lies, absurdities and unnecessary complications that most other religions have. I'm even considering(although I havent published anything yet) starting to work at least part time as an apologisist(maybe you could give me some help in this area?)

That's all I have for you. Just thought I'd share that. Also, dont worry about the spelling or grammar mistakes, as it is 2:30 A.M. as of me writing this.

I Found My Cross

I was born in Philadelphia Pennsylvania in 1957 raised by my mother, and stepfather along with two younger brothers and three sisters. I was highly influenced at an early age by peers and my environment, which included alcohol, gangs, poverty and drugs. By the age of sixteen I was heavily involved in gangs and the use of heroin, which resulted in continuous run-ins' with the law and the juvenile court system. At seventeen I was arrested for a burglary and told the officers I was eighteen so that instead of them taking me to the youth detention center they booked me as an adult and I was sent to the county jail were I wanted to go because most of my friends were there. At my trial I was sentence to 4 to 23 months time served and sent to an eighteen-month drug recovery program in North Philly. I remain there for ten months and thought I was doing alright until I received a weekend pass with one of my roommates and we went out, got high and I robbed a guy on the streets and was arrested and sentenced to 3 to 23 months in the county jail.

After ten months I was released on condition that I would move down south with relatives and finish my parole in NC (which was a highly unusual request granted). Upon release I told my mother that I had to leave right away for NC before I had a chance to go back to the neighborhood because I felt as though if I went back to that environment I would not make it out again alive.

Upon arriving in Durham, NC in May 1977 I experienced a different culture i.e., people waving at you and saying hello, how are you doing instead of who are you looking at or gritting on. Young adults and adults in my age group seemingly having it all together going to school, and working. So when in Rome do as the Romans do. So I signed up to attend a technical school especially since I was fortunate to have my high school diploma.

I received it when I was at the drug treatment program in Philly. My mother received a call from a vocational training program (OIC) I participated in, in conjunction to high school that I never finished and told her they had my high school diploma and did I want to graduate with the next class even though I didn't know any one there.

So here I was in North Carolina starting a new with some hope for a better life. But it didn't take long before I started to find myself associating with people involved in drugs alcohol and all that go along with it. Even though I finished school for heating, ventilation and air-condition trade and married a women who loved me and still do to this day with all I took her through. I found myself heading quickly to an early demise from this life.

On April 20, 1984 I was in Southern Pines, North Carolina in a hospital detoxing from heroin and alcohol use. Reflecting on many things in my life some which included:

• Just leaving behind a wife of five years with one five year old daughter and twins (boy and girl) two years old with no hope of what the future will be with me or without me.
• Current court case pending.
• Neglected financial responsibilities
• Concerned whether or not I would be able to maintain any employment.
• Loss of Driving license
• Money owed to drug dealers, loan sharks, relatives, and friends.
• Failing liver and health.

And reflecting on how my life just seemed to be a merry-go-round on and off of drugs and alcohol, in and out of jail. Seemingly getting on the right track periodically and then it seems like before I knew it there I was again going directly pass go straight to jail, institutions, or some kind of early death.

At the age of twenty- seven (27) I began to realize that this was not the life I wanted to continue to live that was not only detrimental to me but also to those around me that I loved. So in that hospital room I went to my knees and said If there is a God, God I am tried of living the way I am living help me to live how you would want me to live I am ready for real change. At that moment something supernaturally came over me that confirmed in my most inner being that there was a God who heard my prayer and was there to help me. I got off of my knees and said thank you Lord and went to sleep and slept all night. Something that I could not do the first few days I was at the hospital.

The next day I had a peace over me that I had never experienced before that deepened my belief in this God that heard and answered my prayer (A peace that remains today).

When it was time for me to receive my detox dose of methadone I told the doctor that I would not be needing that any more I had found someone who would help me with this problem. The doctors insisted that I continue the detox program to reduce the heroin withdraws. I gave in and took my dose and immediately became sicker then I had ever been since being there. This was to me just another confirmation to continue to believe in the God that hears.

For the next few days at the hospital the eyes of my understanding was being open to where I was seeing life differently and was willing to take responsibility for all my wrongs and any consequences ahead. For inside of me resided a peace that I had never experienced before that gave me the confidence that God was with me and I had a new desire to earnestly do what was right.

I left the hospital drug detox center program early against everyone's recommendations, doctors, wife, relatives, and friends. Depending upon the God that had found me and heard me. After getting home to the wife and kids I purchased a bible and started to read it through continuing this Christian journey with the Lord that heard my cry and saved me from the impending grasp of an eternal hell. Along this journey unfortunately without being disciple by true mature uncompromising Christians of God. I took two unknowingly detours. One was being involved with Alcohol Anonyms and Narcotic Anonyms where I excel up to the regional leadership level until the year 1990 when I realized that as Jesus said He was the way the truth and the life. N-A says it is the way. As I told and still tell many who are involved in that fellowship. N-A is a way to help stay drug free but what use is it to go to a burning hell sober. My other detour was involvement in the Word of Faith Charismatic movement at Christian Faith Center in Creedmoor NC and Mount Zion Christian Church in Durham NC where I graduated from there Bible College in May 1998 and left in 2002. Some of the problems with these and other like churches (organizations) are the health, wealth, and prosperity teachings. This teaching is a perversion of the gospel of Christ. It centers on self not others; prosperity not sacrifice, body religion not pure religion, entertainment not true worship, and truth distorted not love of truth.

Fortunately, by the grace of Almighty God and the deep desire within me to know and do just His will I was able to escape the trap set by man made traditions and the leaven being served in this popular movement.

Since leaving the word of faith (charismatic) movement I have been even more committed to the great commission to go into all the world and preach the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

I do this through Faith in Action Ministries of God, Inc. a non-profit bible believing organization I started.

Keeping to the words and command of Jesus, if any man will come after me let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me. I do this through the grace of God literally by obeying His word and symbolically by carrying a 4X4" by 12ft long cross throughout the city I reside in Durham, North Carolina and in my many witnessing travels.

Passing out tracts witnessing that Jesus Christ was crucified, buried, and resurrected for the sins of the world but also preaching repentance of sin and the dangers of hell fire.

I strongly believe that as the truly born again believers continue to contend for the faith that was once given to the saints

We must……According to II Timothy 4:2-5 (Amplified Bible)

Herald and preach the Word! Keep your sense of urgency [stand by, be at hand and ready], whether the opportunity seems to be favorable or unfavorable. [Whether it is convenient or inconvenient, whether it is welcome or unwelcome, you as preacher of the Word are to show people in what way their lives are wrong.] And convince them, rebuking and correcting, warning and urging and encouraging them, being unflagging and inexhaustible in patience and teaching.

For the time is coming when [people] will not tolerate (endure) sound and wholesome instruction, but, having ears itching [for something pleasing and gratifying], they will gather to themselves one teacher after another to a considerable number, chosen to satisfy their own liking and to foster the errors they hold, And will turn aside from hearing the truth and wander off into myths and man-made fictions. As for you, be calm and cool and steady, accept and suffer unflinchingly every hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fully perform all the duties of your ministry.

Servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, William Taylor Sr.

Three years ago I would have had a few choice words for Christians and Christianity in general. All would have been negative, most would have been obscenities. The belief in some kind of eternal protector and savior, a being of love, seemed absolutely ridiculous.

I mean, where was this God when I was five and my parents divorced?

Where was this God when I'd hate to go to school because kids made fun of me for my weight?

Where was this God when I didn't go to school because I had no friends?

Where was this God when my dad remarried to a woman I didn't even know after converting to Christianity?

Where was this God when he would constantly cram religion down my throat?

Where was this God when he all but disappeared from my life to be with her?

Where was this God when that woman was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer?

Where was this God when she died my freshman year?

Where was this God when my dad remarried less than a year later to another woman I didn't know, in the name of God?

I had a lot of questions about this "loving god." I was also terribly unhappy with my life and completely detached from the world around me.

Then, towards the end of my sophomore year, things changed. My mom and the school worked together to put me in a class that would change my life. From that class I learned how to let go of many the defenses I had built up over the years and really begin to live my life.

I still hated Christians.

My junior year I took that class a second time, and was exposed to something I hadn't expected.

A real Christian. Somebody who took their faith seriously and lived it.

I was challenged. I had to rethink my ideas of what Christians were, and eventually I had to let go of my false beliefs.

It's interesting to note that the time when many of my emotional walls were broken down, and my prejudices towards Christians broken, something began to tug at my heart and turn my thoughts towards God.

Tentatively, I began to seek Him. I had small conversations with believers. I'd drop by a prayer circle held before school occasionally. I even wrote letters directed to any "Creator" that may be out there.

Eventually, I made an account on a Christian forum and posted the story of my life, and got out all my problems with this "God" fellow.

I was amazed, no one pushed religion on me. Many did their best to answer my questions, though none really satisfied me at the time.

I thought their answers were too shallow.

I learned something from that. A very important lesson.

The greatest thing that was between me and God was a little something called pride.

I had a lot of it. I had developed and refined it over the years. It was the last major self defense mechanism I had.

I didn't want to accept that I didn't know everything. That the world may not be as it seemed. I couldn't get past the fact that, deep down, I thought Christians were a bunch of self-deluded fools.

Many on the forum took note of this noble attribute I had.

Pride or no, I honestly was trying to seek God. I couldn't find a Bible so I printed off the first couple of chapters of the Gospel of John from the Internet.

God was calling. I just had to learn to let go of pride and accept Him.

I spent a few days frustrated over this. I wanted to accept God and Christ into my life. I honestly did. It felt like this was what I was SUPPOSED to be doing.

I just couldn't get over myself.

One night, something extraordinary happened. I was waiting to go to sleep and trying to come to some sort of resolution. I couldn't understand what was so hard about surrendering to Christ when all those nice Christians said it was so easy.

Then, something happened and I just let go. I didn't snap, I just surrendered. Then, like I was visualizing a shot in basketball, in my mind's eye I found myself moving through a very ethereal garden. Indistinct figures were on either side, but there was something before me that really drew my attention. Someone on a throne.

I didn't recognize Him. I didn't have much time to think on it, though, as when I neared we embraced. Then I realized just Who it was and my heart was filled with a wonderful peace.

I realized I had just accepted Jesus Christ into my life.

Since that day, a lot has happened. I've had my ups and downs with God. I've weathered my fair share of doubts. Every time I was on the brink, though, He would catch me.

In the end, He has strengthened and refined me. My pride has turned into something different-- Confidence. My appreciation for life has skyrocketed.

It was even the shared faith in God that helped me reestablish a relationship with my father.

I've discovered where He was throughout my life. Right beside me.

God works in wonderful and mysterious ways.

I am in God as He is in me. He is the way, the truth and the life. The creator of all and the everlasting. He is Law, he is rationality, he is justice. He is Love. He is Hope. He is Courage and Peace. He deserves praise and adoration. He, above all, deserves trust. Trust in His judgment.

- Matt S.