Extreme Apologetics!!

Dear Pastor ______________,

I checked my ministry's post office box yesterday and was delighted to receive from your fellowship a postcard offering the following:

__________ Church presents

Eride Skateboard Demonstration

A Collision of Extreme Skateboarding and Eternal Truth

Featuring the Untitled Skateboard Pro Team

Join us for an evening of extreme fun featuring our guest, the Untitled Skateboards Pro Demo Team

See Amazing Stunts and hear about the extreme love of God

Plenty of food and fun for all ages

Pastor, please let me explain the reason this moved me so much. You see, some months ago I offered my services, free of charge, to your fellowship as a teacher of apologetics. I did this being impressed that many Christians lack a serious foundation for what they believe, and that the continuing decline of church membership numbers might have some connection to this. (As you may have heard, every year tens of thousands of Christian college students leave Christianity and church, usually never to return.) However, I never heard from you at that time; not so much as a phone call or a polite postcard. For some time I despaired as to why this was so.

However, having received your advertisement, I now realize the error of my ways. Clearly I am missing out on the true vision for aiding our young people in keeping their faith. I understand now that I have been conducting my ministry wrongly. Therefore, in order to make amends, I am reconstructing my ministry profile and will henceforth be offering a course in Extreme Apologetics that I pray will honor Jesus and make disciples just as effectively as the Eride skateboard ministry can.

I will be titling my new presentation series, Extreme Apologetics: A Mashing Together of Physical Gymnastics and Extreme Defense of the Faith. Please consider my new course outline, and tell me what you think:

It's just the thing for the postmodern TV generation, don't you think?

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

God bless,

J. P. Holding


In case you're wondering, yes -- this was a real advertisement I got from a nearby church, and I really did offer to teach there once and got no response. I found out later the likely reason why....it was an emergent church.